I had already been through this. This is the second time. But then, there are two hips! Just thankful that there are only two! The other was replaced 9 years ago. Much of the memories are still here as I enter again into this with the other hip. But there is one thing that I could not truly remember the experience of – the actual pain! Of course I remember THAT I was in pain at different times, but I could not recall the actual pain of that experience. We may recall eating some delicious desert last week, but we cannot actually enjoy that taste again by the servant of memory.
Then, it hit! Whew!! Sweaty and clammy. Sunk in eyes. Upset stomach. Appetite changed. Sleep not automatic just by lying on the same bed. Wow! NOW I remember! The actuality of pain can only bring back by the experiencing of itself again!
But without pain I should not look forward to going to the physician. I would not have been agreeable to try his epidural. The doctor who administered said, “You’re going to experience a little sting!” And that was to deaden that portion of my body where the epidural was to be administered! “A little sting!?! Are you kidding? PLEASE! Go ahead! Reduce my stick-in-the-eye-ball pain to just ‘a little sting’!”
Now back to the bone physician. Back to the pharmacy. Back to counting the hours until the next pain pill could be taken! Thank the Lord for Tylenol Extra Strength! But the pain just wouldn’t go its on way and leave me alone.
But, led like a sheep to the slaughter, I go in total ignorance of the torture chamber of the MRI! Didn’t they realize that I can’t even lay on my comfortable bed, or recline in my glorious chair without bending my knee? – that I haven’t laid flat since this started? In the last few minutes – seemingly years really! – of that pain, I broke out in sweat. Just could not bear lying flat another milli-second, much less one of those minutes that this ‘time machine’ turned into months and years! The absolute reality of pain was upon me!
Back to the physician, not minding that it took another week to get an appointment to see him. But the MRI is now read. “X-rays show some arthritis corruption. But MRI shows far more, In fact, the ‘neck’ bone that connects the leg bone to the ball which goes into the socket is swollen and may be cracked!” Wow! A second prescription already electronically sent to pharmacy. Surgery date set.
Look at the prescription – a little card with punch-out little white pills. No problem! My other pain pills were twice that size. Six the first day. Then every day reducing by one pill till there was only one. Toss one into my mouth! Zowee Batman! How in the world did scientists get that much bitterness into such a small pill? I know that in time keeping devices, they went from Big Ben down to the wrist watch, but how did they get that magnitude of awful bitterness into that deceitful looking little white pill? Yukkk!
And then a strange thing happened. Not that it should not have accomplished it’s designed intent. But that I had absolutely no hope, or even expectation that it would! The pain subsided! – And that was just after one day. The result of that reduced pain caused me not to even wanna wrap that little deceitful, white monster in chocolate! Bitter? Unbelievably! But totally unlike the “little sting” that was supposed to make me feel better. The bitterness was far greater than that “little sting.” But in no way compared to the actual result in the reduction of pain.
Still gotta have surgery. Yes! Still gotta take great care, even to rearranging my life’s usual activities? Yes! But with the greater realization that pain is a door into a spiritual experience which the soul can enter that is not provided in any other way. Hebrews 12:2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. Psalm 119:67 Before I was afflicted I went astray: but now have I kept thy word.
“Despising” is allowed. But only while “enduring.” And learning that a proper, beneficial relationship with the scripture is not by association of it with memory. The word can only be enhanced by the experience of pain! Sad, poor Christendom. Looking at the halls of religious study for it’s membership. But they are more likely to be found in halls of reducing servitude! On the cross – sharing somewhat of the God-man’s pain – one was told that he would be in paradise that very day. And that the Master of pain would go there together with him! Satan quoted scripture to Christ. He was present at Sinai when the law was given. (Galatians 3:19). But he shall be forever plunged into eternal pain. Never having it’s bitter pill to ever promise hope of relief!
Revelation 20:10 And the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone, where the beast and the false prophet are, and shall be tormented day and night for ever and ever.14 And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death.
I shall never absolutely substitute pain as my Savior, or teacher, in the place of my Lord Jesus Christ, like religionists who afflict themselves willfully for assumed soul cleansing. But without His shared and effectual trials and heartaches, I shall never be like Him! 2 Corinthians 4:10 Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. 11 For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh.
“Dying with Jesus, by death reckoned mine;
Living with Jesus, a new life divine;
Looking to Jesus till glory doth shine,
Moment by moment, O Lord, I am Thine.”
Daniel W. Whittle 1893
Is the hip still sore and tender? Yes. For it hasn’t been replaced as yet. Life’s heartaches and trials still a painful bother? Yes. But we haven’t been changed yet. But we are not without a stedfast confidence that all manner and degrees of our deaths here shall be swallowed up in victory! Both prophet and Apostle have spoken of it! Isaiah 25:8 He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the LORD hath spoken it.
1 Corinthians 15:54 So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory.2 Corinthians 4:17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;
Your soul’s servant,
Brother Gene Breed
November 12, 2017