My wife’s dog, “Jessie” – A Jack Russell ‘Terror’-
It’s come to be my job to take Jessie out every night after the news, around 11:30. We go up to the stop sign at the top of the hill and back. He has to wet on every mailbox. He backed his little skinny rear up into a Yucca plant and stuck himself on the pointed ends and didn’t get to finish his toiletries on one occasion!
All the dogs in the neighborhood get started barking at us – an old fat dog with a raspy Bonnie Tyler voice gets them all started! You can just hear it spreading up the street and then even over to the next block. The big German dogs of the folks from Pennsylvania that moved into the last house on the street are the bass section! Then the Redneck’s tinnie-winnie dog is the tenor section. The Country Guy’s Heinz 57 varieties run the fence line at full speed, stopping inches before making waffle indentations on their noses with the chain link fence. And then Larry, Curley, and Moe, over a block, add in with their Three Stooges’ “Woo-woo-woo”! They all try to sing solo, intending to have no unison, but it is really an amazing concert.
If that wasn’t humiliating enough, having K-9’s sass you, my most embarrassing moment is getting caught in some headlights just when Jessie is making “smoke”! He’s all hunched over, straining every muscle, pushing his creation out like a natural childbirth in a birthing center, – and wouldn’t you know it – here comes a car! I pull my collar up on my coat and turn my back and stupidly hope that disgusting thing being done on the other end of that leash tied to my arm, somehow can’t be connected with me! – And he ain’t even “my” dog! His true ‘owner’ (if anyone could be said to ‘own’ that wild spirit!) is back at home in anonymous comfort, without any headlights piercing the dark, revealing a ‘stinky’-making creature tied to her wrist!
I just want to strangle him for the embarrassment. But when we get back home, she says to him, “Did my baby make poo – poo?” – I could just scream!!!